Anonymous: All I wanted was for my feeling to stop. I hid it so well form my husband until I had a breaking point.

My Story: I had been home 4 days, so tired from labor and in pain from a c-section. What was happening to me I didn't know and couldn't explain. Here I am alone, with my family in different states and I didn't have anyone I wanted to call. I would cry over my baby and cry louder when my baby wouldn't stop. All I wanted was for my feeling to stop. I hid it so well form my husband until I had a breaking point, I told him I couldn't do it anymore, I didn't intend to sugar coat it or to make him not feel sorry for me. I was hurting! My social life was non-existent, a choice I made. We dealt with it together - he stayed home to help a couple of days and it got better. I never understood why? Why I had those thoughts, and I had to quickly snap myself out because my children needed me, they only had and wanted me. I prayed for whatever I was feeling to go away and for God to help me find myself again. It's really sad to say I didn't have anyone but my husbands help to get through this. A year later it came back, it happened again. This time I didn't handle it well either, but with the grace of god I pulled myself up because I had these beautiful children that I had longed for. I've never told anyone other than my husband about this because what I was feeling and thinking was not me. It's scared me to know all those women who did unthinkable things to their children. I thank god everyday for my strength and his love for me and my family.

Anonymous | San Diego, CA