My Story: A Blissful Postpartum

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#PostpartumConfession | My Story: A Blissful Postpartum #takebackpostpartum #mothering #homebirth

As I read the postpartum stories of other women, I realize that my story is unique. My immediate postpartum, those first three days after giving birth, were the best days of my life! I never left the bed, and being one who loves laziness, it was heaven!

I had a challenging yet triumphant home birth and afterwards I needed to rest, eat, and rebuild the blood I’d lost.

My doula made all that I experienced as blissful possible. She lived in our home with us for those first few days, came to serve us every day for the following two weeks, and was in and out until the end of the 42 day sacred window postpartum period. She reached out to my female friends and set up a 7 Sisters support network in which one woman committed to a day of the week for six weeks.

When my doula was gone, someone else showed up every day to check in on me. And when she was there, someone showed up and offered extra hands. The dirty laundry was taken away and brought back clean. My 7 year old stepdaughter had play dates. Groceries, diapers, and wipes were delivered to me. Someone held my hand when I needed to walk to the bathroom. Someone held my baby when I needed a shower. Someone was there every day to see me and witness my experience. All of this support made it so that I had zero stress, zero worries, and tons of time for reflection and contemplation. Mostly I just stared at my newborn in awe.

One of my favorite parts of postpartum was being spoon fed! My hands were tied up in nursing and holding my baby, so getting enough food in me to make breast milk would have been very difficult on my own.

In those first few days, I literally did not lift a finger! I felt like royalty!
#PostpartumConfession | My Story: A Blissful Postpartum

My doula made healing ayurvedic postpartum meals and to this day those recipes are a favorite in my household! She also made 42 placenta chocolate buddha molds, one for each day of my sacred window. For me, there was no better way to take my medicine!

However blissful those first few months of motherhood, I had a late onset of postpartum depression.

It’s been a roller coaster ride of emotion with periods of extreme highs and lows, high ambition and high production followed by isolation and debilitating sadness. 

My son was born in the summer of 2013. We were very fortunate to be blessed with a landlord who allowed us to get 6 months behind on rent. If my memory serves me well, and I sure as hell don’t count on it, I was happy and healthy until late spring 2014 when it came time to face the music and move from my small town to the city where my partner could provide for our family. I dreaded the move and worried that I would become so isolated and disconnected that I would lose myself completely.

Going forward regardless of my fears, I eventually found a beautiful community here in Phoenix that supports me in ways I never fathomed possible. Even so, we’ve been here for over a year and I’ve still had many dances with the dark forces that pull at my heart and mind.

Depression, anorexia, suicidal thoughts, and self destruction knock on my doors and window panes far too often.

I could ask why… Is it a hormonal imbalance? Is it due to unresolved emotions from a history of abuse? Is it because my spiritual life is lacking? But I don’t think those answers will change anything. I think that this is a dance almost all mothers circle through, though our dances may vary in appearance. I think the answers I seek are found in community and open, honest communication. I think that it’s okay for me to feel these dark forces when they appear. I think that it makes me human.

Last night, there was a lunar eclipse of the harvest moon. There was also a huge shift within my being. Many “ah-ha” lights came on! I am stepping out of negative thinking into gratitude. I am stepping away from toxicity and abuse towards support and honor. I have a plan, and that plan is to cultivate self love and put my #1 focus on nurturing myself. By doing this, I have more than enough to give back to my community.

My message to all mamas who are struggling is this, find your community! Reach out every day. We were not meant to do this alone, we need a village! The saying goes “It takes a village to raise a child” but I disagree. It takes a whole, healthy mother to raise a child. It takes a village to support her growth.

My experience with pregnancy, birth, and postpartum inspired me to become a doula so that I can offer optimal postpartum support for any family in need!

Lorna Magnolia | Phoenix, AZ | Mama to Anais, 9 {daughter in love} and Lucien, 2 {son} | Connect with Lorna via her Etsy shop: Sweet Magnolia's Herbal Creations

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