My Story: Alexandria Buck

My Story: My fiance and I decided to try for a baby. After two months of trying, we had successfully conceived. My pregnancy went by with no complications until I went into early labor. My son, Axton, didn't like the contractions, they made his heart rate drop. I ended up having to be monitored during my entire labor. After 24 hours, he was born a healthy 7lb, 7oz. 45 minutes later, we discovered he was born with bladder exstrophy, which is when his bladded is inside out on the outside of his body. They immediately took him from me and brought hin to Boston's Children's Hospital. I didn't even get the first night with him... He spent 6 days in the NICU, where they taught us how to dress his bladder and care for it properly. With barely any sleep from constant trips to and from our sleep unit to his bed to breastfeed him; we eventually were on our way home. My fiance had to go straight to work, so I was left to care for Axton unexpectedly. I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I cried a lot, asked my family to hold him when I couldn't soothe him. I struggled just to smile some days. I knew if I continued to let depression overrule our bond, it could be dangerous. When he was four weeks, I saw my midwife to find a solution. I began attempting to pump a bottle a day for him so someone could feed him while I nap. I didn't nap very well having him away from me. At about 5 weeks we began cosleeping. We both slept well, he ate well and we were happy. The downside of having coslept so much is the fact that at 11 weeks, I'm laying a cot in his hospital room unable to hold and soothe him. I'm unable to care for him the same as before. He's on the path to recovery from his surgery which took place on 9/14 but watching him like this makes everything so difficult.

Alexandria Buck | Westbrook, Maine | Mama to Axton, 2 1/2 months