My Story: I got through the day, and slowly I got the hang of it.

#PostpartumConfession | My Story: I got through the day, and slowly I got the hang of it. #military #pregnancy #birth #postpartum

My daughter is 2 years old now. My husband is in the military. Her birth began when I started having contractions on May 13th, 2013. My mom had just flown in to Las Vegas, where we lived, all the way from Arkansas. We went to the hospital that night because the contractions got really bad. 

My husband had to fight to get off work and went straight to the hospital. I was in labor but not active labor. It would be like this for another 3 days. On May 17th after 4 days of labor with very little sleep, they broke my water.

Labor was horrible. I felt everything because the epidural did not work. I was mad at everyone because I was in a lot of pain and they were treating me like I was 10. I was tired.

Finally I had to push and I tried so hard. When I finally felt her head come out they yelled at me to stop. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck a good 4-5 times. They got it off quickly and I was told to push again. The last push I remember I felt a hot burn and my insides "pop" my daughters shoulders "split" me. Not downwards, but upwards. 

When she came out they threw her on me, the only thing I remember thinking was, "Holy crap I did it".

When my daughter didn't start crying right off the bat I started panicking. They kinda snatched her from me at that point, after my husband cut her cord. She wasn't breathing for what seemed to be ages, and she finally gave a small cry, I sighed, relieved she was okay.

My husband and mom left my side at that point to go see her. I was left bleeding quite badly from the tear, and I then felt the doctor tug, and I thought, "Oh shit, that hurts." I then passed the placenta, which looked HUGE. Then my doctor began to clean me up. She then called in another doctor. I was worried, my mom came over to "see" what they were looking at. The look on her face......she was concerned. The doctors were discussing if I would need surgery or not to fix it. They had never seen someone "split" upwards. 

My doctor then got the proper stuff to try and "fix" it. She poked me with a stitching needle, and I jumped. She had forgotten I could FEEL everything. In which she had a nurse get some numbing stuff, and she began to stich me up. It took about 50 stitches. (She said she had to do them one by one. I didn't get to hold my daughter for what felt like forever. My husband held her first, since I did get her seconds after she was born. 

The first night, I didn't sleep. I was too nervous and in a lot of pain (ice diapers are seriously the only thing that made the swelling go down) I breastfed every hour or so, 30 mins from each breast. 

I had no idea what I was doing most of the time. 

Day 2 postpartum was my due date, and we headed out the door. Taking my baby home.
We got home, and let people know we made it home, and that we didn't want company. I couldn't walk very well and I was super tired. 

Didn't stop my brother in laws EX girlfriend who I didn't even like from showing up at our house unannounced, WITH STRANGERS. I panicked, and held my daughter the whole time, when it was time to feed I gave my daughter over to my mother and I hobbled upstairs and refused to come back down till everyone was gone. I was not nice. 

My husband got a week off and I also had my mom the first week. 

But I got anxiety the day my mom left back to Arkansas, and my husband went back to work the same day. Here I was a a new mom with a tiny baby with no one to help me. I started freaking out. I cried like a mad woman for what seemed like 4 hours, but my mom texted me, telling me "you got this" and my husband backed me up "you're fantastic, a natural".

I got through the day, and slowly I got the hang of it. 

I can honestly say I still have no clue what I am doing... but I love it.

I know I can freak out. It's natural to feel like you don't know what you're doing. New is scary, but new (sometimes) is worth it. 

I love hearing my daughter say mama/mommy, I love hearing her talk, laugh, learn. You will feel stressed. You will feel overwhelmed, but to get through it, you need others, I had only 2 people, sometimes others have less, or more. 

Just know you got this. You're a natural. You're a mom, and you're gonna be damn good at it. Even though you feel tired, stressed, and are trying to figure out when you last ate, slept, or had a shower. You got it. You have to have it. 

You have a human, a very tiny human, depending on you to have it, and that it makes it soooo worth the stress, tiredness, and trying to figure out if you've had a shower. 

Just know you're one hell of a mom, and you're that baby's mom.

Anonymous | Las Vegas, NV