My Story: I packed a bag and almost walked out on my family.

#PostpartumConfession | My Story: I packed a bag and almost walked out on my family. #postpartumdepression #takebackpostpartum

My Story: My second baby. This time was so much easier. My first son was born after being in labor for 24 hours and then having a c section. This time my c-section was scheduled. I slept solid the night before. I felt amazing around day three and even wore my own clothes in the hospital and did my hair and makeup.

Then we came home... I woke up not being able to catch my breath because I was terrified I wouldn't be a good mom to two kids. I couldn't stand to hear him cry, coo or breathe and make noises in the bassinet next to me. I resented him. Thank God my husband was here to help. We were fortunate enough to have him take two weeks off work.

At the one week visit to the pediatrician, she had me take a quiz for postpartum depression. I didn't even answer the questions about harming myself or the baby. I knew this was all temporary and it was going to get better but I just couldn't deal in the moment. I didn't want to hurt my son, it wasn't his fault and I knew I didn't really want to kill myself, so I packed a bag and almost walked out on my family.

Instead I saw an article in a magazine that was laying around about postpartum depression. It gave me hope. So I picked up the phone and sobbed as I told the obgyn that I needed meds. Now...I was on zoloft for about 6 months and I have successfully stayed off it. Almost three years later we're contemplating a third baby, but the postpartum weighs heavily on our decision. Nobody really knew how bad it was, even my husband. I still have a hard time talking about it.


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