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I am now 37 and by the age of 30 I had found out that I would most likely not be able to have a child of my own by natural means. I had a surgery, things got better for a year or so and I had just begun to ask myself: "How much do I want to become a mother?"
The answer was pretty much positive...it was the dream of my life since I was a kid. I wanted to become a mother.
I tried for almost 5 years and finally I got pregnant - by natural means, though I was inseminated. The father of my baby is the man I have always loved, just that life brought us in 2 separate ways. He is the man I have chosen to be the father of my baby and he agreed to that and to all decisions I've made regarding the baby so far (he is just supporting from far away, as much as he can).
So, I am a single mother of a great miracle. I call her "my miracle" as the doctor advised that I cannot get pregnant by natural means, but I did!
Pregnancy was a real experience for me...crying for everything more or less important, even TV commercials...but was the best period I've ever had in my life. It was the only period when the father of my kid, the man I love was with me, loving and caring as never before (most of the time he is abroad...and he stayed home for the entire period of my pregnancy).
And the day came...last check before estimated date of labor....the doctors decided I need a c-section and asked me if I am ready or want to wait for a couple of days more. I said I am ready. It was 13th of the month and I said it cannot be more appropriate to have a kid on 13th, as the father is also born on a 13th :D
Surgery lasted for almost 3 hours as I have a fibroid uterus and the baby was so "attached" to me :D
All went well, after 3 hours I was in the ICU...feeling nothing because of the morphine they gave me while on surgery. I was "high" my friends - I had just given birth but couldn't feel much, no pain, no nothing...except the happiness of finally seeing my baby girl.
The second day, I was moved to a room, alone and waiting for my baby. No lactation yet...just some nurses coming once a while to ask me to use the electrical breast pump that caused injuries to both my breasts. I had a terrible headache, my nipples were burning and bleeding, the baby was nowhere...my family nowhere, I couldn't move because of a terrible pain I've felt under the ribs, no one told me what is wrong, all of them were saying that this happens after a c-section. Guys...I was experiencing the first gallbladder pain.
After 2 days, I was going home, in much more pain than the other day. I asked for a wheel chair to be transported to my brother's car, but everyone around said that it is normal to go by myself and to carry the baby in my arms - otherwise I'd have to stay more in the hospital. (I was trying to walk and was hearing behind me that I am too spoiled.)
I said OK and did my best not to fall while going down from the 7th floor by stairs :D
And I went home with my baby. My mom was there with me, but no one else was around to welcome us properly. I thought this was my fault, I hadn't made arrangements to write on the walls a welcome note for my baby, and I started to cry.
The pains were getting worse with every single day passing and I had no lactation for 8-10 days, I had fever and pains all over my body, inside and outside, I was shivering and couldn't find my place. Crying that I cannot feed my baby, crying that I felt horrible, crying that, for the first time in the last 7 months (I was 2 months pregnant when the pregnancy was confirmed), the father of my baby is not there to support me as he did during the pregnancy (but it was my choice, it was my decision!)
After almost 10 days I was able to finally breast feed my baby girl, after a big fight with my mum that she could not resist to the cries of the baby. It was the first time in 35 years when I actually yelled at my mother and said that she is free to leave me alone with my baby, as I was really wanting to breast feed. The miracle happened, after almost 20 minutes of crying, my baby girl found my breast more tasty than the powder milk!
And since then, until now (she is 2 years and 8 months now), she is still breast feeding! This is even after having surgery to take my gall bladder out at 4.5 months postpartum! Thank God for my miracle!
Anonymous | Romania