My Story: I delivered both of my daughters at home with the help of my husband, midwife and empowered women. The first birth was the one that taught me I was strong. That I could do whatever I set my mind to. Proved my own tolerance to pain and reassured me that I made the right choices for me and my family. And I was surrounded by family. And it was great. And then my emotions set in.
My sister in law asked to hold my baby only minutes after birth and as a new mom I didn't have the confidence to say no. I wish I had. Nothing happened but I wanted her back right away. Eventually she gave her back and all was well no one noticed my stress and we moved on. But over the next week I noticed any time I'd have someone hold the baby (or even when I was holding her) so I could eat I would have a panic attack mild but present. Anxiety elevated heart rate.
Husband assured me it must be a primal thing. When animals eat they're vulnerable.
That was comforting. Overall my birth experience was really really good. Empowering. Sometimes I feel guilty when my friends have difficult deliveries and sometimes I'm offended when people tell me I'm "lucky" I got a natural birth. It totally negates all the work I put in and effort I made to be strong enough to deliver my daughters. But ultimately everyone is different and every birth is different.
There is no failure in birth.
And there are no guarantees. Each birth is special and each postpartum is different. I'm grateful for the family and friends in my life that supported me and helped me feel safe and loved. I know I wasn't lucky to have a natural birth but I am lucky to have so much love from so many people for me and my family.
Jennifer Lind | Phoenix, Arizona | Mama to two girls, 2 years and almost 5 years
You can read more about Jennifer's births and pregnancies on her blog, Hawks & Honey