My Story: Jessica Gradert

My Story: Where do I even start? Well.... Pregnancy is one of those times that most women feel absolutely amazing. Not me. I felt like a giant, clumsy balloon figure that was extremely alone. You see, my husband took a job four states away from our home state and I chose to go with him. I am not a person who welcomes big changes like that, especially not when I'm faced with a life changing event already. I didn't have a support system and my husband worked long hours. I also worked long hours at the hospital. Let's fast forward through all the messy stuff to the good part; the babe.

I was so scared to become a mother because I didn't have the most fabulous examples of how to raise a child.

I knew that I was madly in love with him the first time I laid eyes on him. I, of course, vowed to protect him however I could from anything that would threaten to harm him. With that being said, my emotional self took everything that could make contact with him as a threat. The car seat... Huge threat because it freaked me out that something so tiny had to be strapped in and placed in the back seat where I couldn't monitor him. Sleeping arrangements? What is that? I finally settled on a rock and play sleeper because it kept him at a comfortable incline and I didn't feel as though I had to worry so much about him spitting up and choking. Yes, my friends, I was THAT new mother. The one who worried about absolutely everything and anything that could potentially hurt the babe...

Rational and irrational, it was all the same.

My milk didn't come in right away to add to the stress of thinking my child was going to keel over at any point because the temperature was too hot, or cold, or something. My poor husband must've thought he married a lunatic at that point. Even after we got the rock and play sleeper, I had to sleep with my hand next to his chest so I could feel it rise and fall. Another thing, I am not normally an emotional person, but man alive was I ridiculous in my pp moments. The pampers commercial made me cry more times than I'd like to admit. Before you think, wow this lady is nuts, let me explain that I am a nurse in the ER. I have seen everything and anything you could possibly think of. I blame these experiences and my heightened emotional status at the time on the neurotic behaviors I experienced in my pp phase. Thank goodness my husband didn't leave me and yes, I'm more or less back to normal :) Oh, and if you're wondering, the babe is fabulous and growing like a weed. He, like tons of other babies, survived the crazy, scared, silly mother phase.

Jessica Gradert | Mama to Brentley, 4 months

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Posted on September 19, 2015 and filed under Postpartum Stories.